NO, NO, NOooooo!!!!
I’m sure we have heard that much more than we want to. Sometimes it really becomes a battle of wills just to get dressed and that’s just in the morning. It’s enough to make me raise my hands in surrender! But, instead of yelling at the top of my lungs, I take a deep breath and start all over again.
Sometimes when my kids are being especially kulit, I really take a very deep breath which my son copy so well, that we just end up laughing.
I was lucky, I found out yelling back at kids was not as effective as I thought it to be. It’s embarassing but I found that out with the help of my 16 year old baby sitter! With her gentle spirit she was able to make me face how I appear to my son, then only 2 years old. I could no longer remember the exact words she used but she phrased it into a light joke and it was like an epiphany when I realized I was only making it worse.
After that, I would consciously speak in a calmer voice and surprisingly my child would calm down as well. If you have read any self-help relationship books, you would recognize this as the recommended method in handling heated arguments.
But, I only found out the reason why it worked a few years after when we came to Manila Waldorf.
There, kindergarten teachers work like fabled fairies. When children get so rowdy or throwing a fit, they will whisper something, hum a tune and just like magic, things will be right again. It’s quite disconcerting to see it happen. I mean, why can’t I do that?! I’m the mother, right?
Then I learned that CHILDREN LEARN BY IMITATION. If there is only one rule about children that you must remember, that is it!
Imagine the effects, from the way they walk, talk, eat, and think. They are our mirrors. They reflect how we feel and what we are thinking. They need us to show them how to act, react and be. There would be fights along the way, children are after all in the process of growing up or becoming (like we are ourselves). But by being the gentle authority of the way they should grow up to be, they will be better adults later on.
Our challenge now is to be worthy of the emulation.
So what do you do the next time you see your child “acting up”:
- STOP
- calmly take them in your arms
- hum or whisper a comforting sound in their ear
- then think what you, your spouse or a close caretaker is doing that is the same as that behavior.
- Stop acting that way and your child will follow.
Is it really that simple? Just try it, you may be surprised and let me know …
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