In fact, a few weeks later, she still tells me in a hurt tone that I left her and she could see the “characters” (that’s what she calls the mascots). I actually left her with her grandma while I try to help my sister-in-law get their family pictures taken, but to her of course, that doesn’t count,sigh…

If I wasn’t that aware how a child’s sensibilities are really vulnerable, I would have brushed it off, like any normal parent, right?  In fact, what I would have probably done in that situation is to physically pick her up and take a picture with the mascots so she would “learn” to get over her fear.  Then I’d be so proud when she’s not afraid anymore, right?

But do we really “teach” them to get over their fear? or make them more afraid, (but this time, its hidden deep inside)?

Is it making them grow up? or are we just disensitizing them (to distinguish certain things)?

Are mascots really that cute? or a distortion of the human form (in the eyes of a child even appear as monsters)?

I’m sure that would fill a lifetime of debate even for psychologists, psychiatrists, and child development experts, and they still would not agree on one thing.

As a parent, everyday we are faced with situations we just take in stride.  Nothing really fazes us that much nowadays except for the really monumental events, like Cory’s death, or huge calamities, like Ondoy.

That’s when we stop.  Examine our actions.  Then make a decision, resolution or just become aware.

But everyday, we are on auto-pilot, wouldn’t you agree?  Most of the time, its the same with parenting.  Most of the time, if its the fad, if everyone is doing it, it must be great for my kid, right?

But, actually, when it comes to kids, we need to be more aware of the things we do. How many of you can still remember something really frightening when you were kids?  How many of you had nightmares because of it?  How many of you now think that its so trivial, so funny and even lame that you were afraid?

Now, how many of you think, that just because you think its funny, trivial and lame now, that those nightmares and fears when you were kids were worth it?

I am not saying mascots are bad and kids should not be around them, what I am saying is, we need to take the cue from our kids.  If they are afraid of them, then they are afraid.  If not, then that is just as well… though there’s a whole study of the effects of mascots, characters, etc. in Steiner philosophy if you would be interested to check it out.

But for us, for now, we will be limiting our presence from fun-filled-mascot-happy children’s parties…

In time she will get over seeing them as huge, overwhelming-bright-and-big smiley-faces stuff of her nightmares, and just see these “characters” as just mascots and it was funny, trivial and lame to be even afraid of them.

For now, when we go to parties she would not feel the need to hide.  For now, its fine that she’s afraid.

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Make the time to play!

We are so lucky to be surrounded by parents who love being part of their children’s lives as we are.

Our good friends,  Tita Connie and Tita Ime, out of  their own initiative organized a “PLAYDAY” for our kids.  It was inspired by the Playday initiatives in UK, where parents organize with other parents to take the time to play with their children.

It recognizes that we in our ever busy schedules need to consciously TAKE THE TIME to play with our kids .

The great news is you can organize your own!

Having a playday is not so hard.

Its really simple, all you need to do is do it:

1. Check playday.org.uk for inspiration and support
2. Think of simple games you can play with your kids
3. Drop your inhibitions
4. Be like your child and ENJOY!
5. Let your imagination be your guide and inspiration.

This actually happened the day we went to Cory’s home last year.  But the message still is true, no better time than today to share it.

How many parents have the time, much less make the effort to do share it with other parents?  Thank you Tita Connie and Tita Ime for including our families in your Playday.  You are such inspirations.

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Bring your child to a safer but still historical place

Help them write or draw how they feel

Quietly pray

Share the images… then explain when they become older.

Celebrate your inner nanayhood,

Theresa

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As you can see, we really use the stuff! The Weleda brand is imported and quite expensive, each costs about P1000 per tube. While the Oleia oil is local and a bit more affordable.

Here is a list of the herbal and natural methods we were able to do with a lot of relief for my little girl.

1. Bathing with boiled guava leaves – this helps dry the frustrating and heart-breaking welts of raw imflamed wounds.
2. Drinking a teaspoon to 3 teaspoons of Virgin Coconut Oil (VCO) -  this “miraculously healed” my little girl of all her lesions for more than 6 months
3. Applying Oleia oil – this helps with the itches which are notorious to creep up when they are sleeping and end up with bloody wounds (I know how it is, we’ve been there)
4. Homeopathic medicines and detox – this helps her body become more able to deal with her allergens.  It allows her liver to function more efficiently.  It’s not as scary as adult liver detox where you undergo semi-fasting and ingesting olive oil.  We were just given a very mild regimen of a few drops of neutral-tasting medicines everyday for several weeks.
5. Homeopathic ointments – This in conjuction with the other treatments really helped heal her wounds very effectively.

These are locally prepared and much more affordable than the Weleda brand and just as effective. Before you try these, better seek medical consultation so you are more familiar with the principle behind it and your doctor can prescribe a suitable regimen for your child. You can consult with Dr. Cricket Chen or Dr. Baclig both are traditionally trained doctors who now specializes in natural and homeopathic medicine.

But like what we experienced before, she would have breakouts when she eats even the smallest morsel of chicken or chocolate.  So our search for other “cures” continued.  I went on a treasurehunt for soaps that would help.  I first tried all the lesser expensive natural soaps in the market, with price range of P50-65.  But that did not really help.  We just persisted because I knew using chemical soaps would only make her condition worse.

Then a few months ago, I was intrigued with a soap using plant enzymes, Plantex.  It was interesting because of the properties of enzymes, it acts as catalysts to help break down certain components thus helping metabolize these components.  So based on that, it was worth a shot!

I was again pleasantly surprised that my daughter now is almost completely lesion-free just a dry spots where the wounds used to be and a 1/4″ wound where a 2″ one used to be!  We do have break-outs still because we are not completely free of her allergens but we are far better than where we were a few months ago.

Some other co-parents have experienced relief with their children’s skin asthma as well, some didn’t but there are a lot more alternatives out there.  You just have to find it!  Have patience and don’t give up, it may be a combination of things, so look at it as an experiment, the results will be worth it!

I know this for a fact because when I commented how my little girl’s rashes are slowly disappearing and told her “konti na lang” she really couldn’t contain her “YEAAY!!!”, I have to tell you it still brings me close to tears remembering her smile and her joy.

I’ll be featuring these alternatives as I find them, please share yours as well so we can help out our other fellow mommies and their babies.

Homeopathic medicines are available at Dr. Cricket Chen’s clinic Medical Plaza, Makati City 8449185

Plantex is available at the Geo Shoppe in Cubao Expo and Ecomarket Store in MarketMarket at P60 per 100gram bar.

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Believe it or not, just a few teaspoons of Virgin coconut oil and we were able to see marked improvement. My mother recommended we us Peter Paul because she saw it featured in a TV show and according to her their process and plant is very sanitary.

But before anything, I would just like to clarify, I am not a doctor, but like most moms, I believe we do earn our honorarium along the way especially for very stubborn ailments of our kids.  It is best that you take the information below, research on it, ask your doctors and try it on yourself first before your kids, especially your babies.

But what is skin asthma?  How is it different from the other skin allergies?

You know its skin asthma if it happens because the body or the liver can not properly metabolize certain proteins and these manifest into skin inflammations.  This happens:

• when your child ingests any suspected allergens, for example chicken, eggs, tomato, milk, peanuts, crustaceans etc.
• inhales dustmites, cockroach droppings (yewww) etc.
• or uses things they are allergic to (ex. clothes washed in detergents they are allergic to)
• It causes the area at the back of the knees and elbows to be so itchy,
• inflammed and
• even cause wounds.

All the other areas are more associated with atopic dermatitis or contact dermatitis.  Why these areas?  Its associated with the lungs and as such, I was told, if not properly treated, children with skin asthma are prone to develop lung asthma.

I know it just a little blessing, but a silver-lining nonetheless that our little darlings are just dealing with skin problems rather than having to deal with the more frightening prospect of full-blown asthma.

Though our doctor was very capable and I liked her tremendously, I knew that relying on steriods almost from birth would not make for a very healthy regimen for my little girl.  So slowly my quest for alternatives began.  It has led us to an even deeper quest and which our whole lifestyle now evolves from, but that is another story.

And yes, I believe we will find the “cure”.  Have you found your cure?

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When your children are going boinkers from staying indoors for days on end, this is actually the best activity there is.

At Manila Waldorf, outside play is an integral part of the day that children play outdoors even in the rain.  Yes, even in the rain!  and Yes! they love it!

No more rain here but the kids were just excited to put on their rain gear.

But!, they are only allowed to play in the rain if they have an umbrella, raincoat and boots, otherwise they just stay in the roofed area.

So why bother to let them play?

Do you remember when we were children?  Were you one of those who was let to play in the rain? or one of those who has to stay indoors?  I was one of those kids who just looked out the window to watch my cousins run around in the rain.  And yes, I sorely wished I was playing with them.

We talk about letting children experience and explore nature, the elements and everything beautiful in life because we know how much this will enrich not only their mental capacities but their inner growth as well.  So why would we hinder this full exploration if we can do it in such a way that they are not in the least harmed?

Well, at home I do let them play even without the battle gear.  I know it will be one of the most freeing and exhilirating things they will remember when they grow up.  I just have to remember to join them next time!

Our rainy day play tips:

• Wear your battle gear (raincoat, umbrella, boots)
• Better save this activity when your kids are really in good health
• Maybe when its not raining too hard (and never with thunder and lightning, of course!)
• Just a few minutes is enough
• Warm them up real well after the activity
• Warm bath would be great
• Join in!

Now wouldn’t that make another great memory together?  What other “crazy” things did you do as a kid which you are hesitant to do with your kids today?

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But that tradition does not sit well with me, so for my son, Juan, I made a little pouch instead.  Why a pouch?

My children have a tendency to keep treasures, so we have a treasure box, a treasure drawer, (actually I have more than one myself) so why not a Tooth Fairy pouch for some prized teeth?  It gives him a sense of how important this is, deserving something special and we didn’t have to deal with the implications and repercussions of giving money as prizes or gifts… yet.

It was one of my midnight projects and I had to make do with what I had in stock.  Another limitation is that I can not use something he has already seen, otherwise it will lessen the magic that it came from the tooth fairy.

I also had to resist the impulse of making something else to place inside the pouch because it may detract from what it’s supposed to be.  I just sprinkled some fairy dust (glitters) to add to magic and hoped that my son will appreciate this simple gift.

And it was my turn to be surprised.

Given a pouch or a bag, an adult would eagerly look for what else was there inside.  He, to my quiet amazement, just matter-of-factly told his father he got a Tooth Pouch and I could clearly see he was happy with it.  He didn’t check for anything else, he just excitedly placed his newly fallen tooth inside.  I could tell he was happy with his gift because he couldn’t just put it away.

I’m so glad he liked it, but I’m even happier that it was enough.  Needless to say, I got teary-eyed seeing his appreciation and his innocence.  My little reminder of the child that he is even when he is slowly turning into a little man.

But what other things can you give your child if you would rather not give them money or coins?

Here’s the simple instructions in My Quaint Life.

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It’s one of those things that made Manila Waldorf a home not only for my children, for us parents, but even for the grandparents.  It’s during these sessions that important matters regarding the school, its curriculum and future are discussed and voted upon by all the member-families, a.k.a. everyone with children enrolled.

Manila Waldorf 2009 Community meeting

Tuition fee increase?  Can you think of a school that will call its parents to discuss possible tuition fee increase?  Yes, we also had that meeting a few years back.  Don’t we just get a memo about the tuition fee increase and bear with it?  Not with our school, apparently.

I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised.  If a school is as different as ours, I guess it follows that even it’s structure is just as different.

In true Manila Waldorf fashion, this year we were gathered to discuss the pending “request” for a school bond.  Mind you, it’s still substantial but definitely just a small fraction of what the bigger schools ask for.  That request is part of the school’s move to a permanent venue, it’ gives them a clearer picture of the community’s commitment to move with them.

Of course, there are those who may oppose or are very concerned with such moves, especially those with difficulties.  But, what was overwhelming and shows how the school has really become a community, is the pervading sentiment of cooperation.  Those parents vocal enough, turned the event into a mini-rally to encourage others to finally commit and help the school move forward.  The school for their part, again true to its nature, offered that the bond need not be in monetary terms alone.  But commitment can also be made in other forms.  It can be to actively participate in enrollment drives, transport system, or even establishing compelementary kinder schools that will help further the objectives of the main school.

Again, I shouldn’t have been surprised,  after all, its a school that made a vow not to turn away a student merely because of financial constraints. Isn’t it “Kung ayaw maraming dahilan, kung nais, maraming paraan.” Its just a matter of thinking of what way we can be of service to the school.  The school would just be as “easy to talk to” (those are their words)

Now isn’t that refreshing!  Imagine, in this day and age,  when money talks, the spirit can still make it listen.

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We were lucky, we were given these 3 simple steps by a very wise lady:

• Put myself at ease because my son is in good hands,
• Let my husband bring my little boy to school, just the two of them
• Let go and feel with certainty that he will be all right.

Chances are if you are sending your first born to school for the first time, your child may not be the only one experiencing separation anxiety.  It would be great if he goes to a school that will allow you to sit in until he gets accustomed to the new experience.

The first year of my son, Juan, we were enrolled in the Parent-toddler class of Manila Waldorf.  If you are anything like me, you are one of those super-involved moms whose children are her whole universe.  So I felt this “break-in” period was really for me rather for Juan, and I was thankful.

On his formal entry to kindergarten, that’s when we really had a hard time.  I found myself in the classroom again for two weeks.  After the two week period there will still be a bit of crying, apparently he was as attached to me as I was to him.  I just stayed around the school so he knows I’m around.  But, after 2 months, when he was supposed to be settled already, he would cry his heart as soon as they close the classroom doors.  I was so confused why we were back to square one.

It was a good thing that one of the founders of the school, Tita Bella Tan, a very wise teacher, saw the entire thing.  She then, with great tact, suggested those 3 steps.

Apparently, what I forgot to consider was when I bring him to school, I always bring my youngest, Maria.  To him, the situation is seen as, “why can my sister stay with my nanay and why not me?” … Duuhhh.  Thank goodness, someone was there to see it with fresh eyes and wisdom.

So, it was worth a shot, the day after my husband brought him to school and he went in the classroom with just a few protests.  By day 2, no more tears.  By the end of the week, he goes down the car by himself and tells his father he can leave him already!

I believe it’s not merely the act of having my husband take him to school alone, it has a lot to do with my letting go and feeling of confidence that he is all right. Children not only hear our words but they most importantly feel our emotions and even our thoughts.  I have experienced this again and again, especially during my most trying times, Juan would be so out of sorts and cry at the slightest things for no apparent reason.  He would only become his usual self, once I realize it and collect myself again.

Sometimes we just really have to believe in our children and let go.  How else can they build trust in themselves, if we can not trust them ourselves.

Have you ever had that experience when you feel your child sensed your thoughts and feelings more than you tried to show?

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I’m sure we have heard that much more than we want to.  Sometimes it really becomes a battle of wills just to get dressed and that’s just in the morning.  It’s enough to make me raise my hands in surrender!  But, instead of yelling at the top of my lungs, I take a deep breath and start all over again.

Sometimes when my kids are being especially kulit, I really take a very deep breath which my son copy so well, that we just end up laughing.

I was lucky, I found out yelling back at kids was not as effective as I thought it to be.  It’s embarassing but I found that out with the help of my 16 year old baby sitter!  With her gentle spirit she was able to make me face how I appear to my son, then only 2 years old.  I could no longer remember the exact words she used but she phrased it into a light joke and it was like an epiphany when I realized I was only making it worse.

After that, I would consciously speak in a calmer voice and surprisingly my child would calm down as well.  If you have read any self-help relationship books, you would recognize this as the recommended method in handling heated arguments.

But, I only found out the reason why it worked a few years after when we came to Manila Waldorf.

There, kindergarten teachers work like fabled fairies.  When children get so rowdy or throwing a fit, they will whisper something, hum a tune and just like magic, things will be right again.  It’s quite disconcerting to see it happen.  I mean, why can’t I do that?! I’m the mother, right?

Then I learned that CHILDREN LEARN BY IMITATION. If there is only one rule about children that you must remember, that is it!

Imagine the effects, from the way they walk, talk, eat, and think.  They are our mirrors. They reflect how we feel and what we are thinking.  They need us to show them how to act, react and be.  There would be fights along the way, children are after all in the process of growing up or becoming (like we are ourselves).  But by being the gentle authority of the way they should grow up to be, they will be better adults later on.

Our challenge now is to be worthy of the emulation.

So what do you do the next time you see your child “acting up”:

• STOP
• calmly take them in your arms
• hum or whisper a comforting sound in their ear
• then think what you, your spouse or a close caretaker is doing that is the same as that behavior.
• Stop acting that way and your child will follow.

Is it really that simple?  Just try it, you may be surprised and let me know …

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